On 13 July 2003 our whole world fell apart as our precious son Wayne Richard passed away. He was the most happy caring son any mother could wish for. His passion was Karate; he trained three times a week and worked out at home as well. He ran every day and couldn't understand why other people didn't work out as much as he did. He used to call them couch potatoes.

Wayne was training for a tournament that was being held a week after he died at Geelong. He received a blow to the neck (no one knows when or how), suffered a brain hemorrhage and passed away three days later.

Wayne was my guiding light after his young brother Jody died by suicide 5 years ago. I would reach for the phone every time I was upset and he would calm me down and talk me through everything. I know in my heart I will never ever get over my two special sons dying. I was a long way from getting over grieving over Jody - his nick name was Gub. Some days are worse than others, as all grieving mothers know. It comes in waves, this terrible gnawing agonizing pain.

I have surrounded myself with photos of them both, but even so I find it hard to look at them and crying is the norm. Looking at a video of either of them is just too hard to contemplate. My two sons were both very handsome boys, but they didn't have the same temperament. Jody was always sad and had extremely low self-esteem all his life. Wayne was the opposite and found life exciting and was very happy at the time of his death.

I hope they are looking after each other in heaven.

We have two sons and one daughter left but when Wayne first died I kept asking people, "Who's going to be next? Who? Who???" Our boys both died very suddenly and unexpectedly and no one can explain to me why this tragedy has happened to us. One is bad enough but two is just not fair.

Death is not feared by my husband and myself anymore. It's not natural to be living and two healthy sons have died. But we will try to pick ourselves up and go on for the rest of the family's sake. It's important now to live and try to enjoy this beautiful world we are living in.

I would love to hear from any mother out there who wants to talk or listen to me as I feel the need now to discuss everything about my boys.