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Magazine Excerpts
- Feb ~ Mar 2005 |
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Just
when we think things couldn't get worse - they do.
We are all so vitally aware that
thousands of lovely children have died in the tsumamis'
aftermath. Our poor battered hearts!
All most of us can do is send our love, hopes, our prayers
and a skerrick of money. We can breathe deeply and hold
on to the quietude of now, perhaps with a good book like
the one’s we Compassionate Friends are used to, that
help rest our addled minds. |
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In all the tragic turmoil, the enormity of the despair is
beyond comprehension. You don't need to be reminded of that.
My young son died so peacefully in Melbourne and when he
did he was surrounded by love and warmth and light. Everything
that could be done was done - beautifully. We, his family,
were cushioned and coddled - and together. I tried to be
grateful for that and now I find I am.
I
seem unable to cope with the disaster statistics. It is
way beyond considering each grieving person; they have
to become part of the endless list. To me there is only
one face, a lovely dark haired anguished girl holding
her poor child. She represents so many. What is ahead
for her? Can we do anything for her?
In early January five bereaved parents
sat around a table at Canterbury TCF and asked this question.
What can we, as a group do? The question is presently
rattling around in a few heads.
It would be satisfying to hone-in
on a particular tiny challenge. Too early just yet, but
if you have any ideas please let the office know.
Judy
TCF Vic, Au
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Photograph |
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There’s an everlasting
smile that lights your lovely face,
My eyes keep drifting back and forth to catch
your endless
gaze,
Eyelids never blink, they are always open wide,
Untold stories hidden there, where I can’t
see inside,
No sound ever leaves your
lips, your hairstyle never changes,
The clothes you wear remain the same, nothing
re-arranges,
Forever young you won’t grow old, time
stands still for you,
You are now a treasured memory, of one I loved
and knew,
I pray that you can never
see the tears fall from my eyes,
And hope that you are now at peace, somewhere
in paradise,
I know that deep inside my heart you can’t
feel any pain,
Never knowing I miss you like a desert misses
rain,
Your picture hangs upon
my wall, taking pride of place,
Your eyes, your smile, the child I knew, a never
ending gaze,
I long to hold you, hear you speak, I know what
you would say,
“I’m sorry mum, I love you too,
but I had to go away.”
Written by Christine
TCF Vic, Au
With love xxxx
Mother of Cameron
7/11/69 – 18/10/2002 (suicide)
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Assign top priority to your marriage relationship.
Cultivate transparency, openness, and honesty.
Accept the pain that you feel. Be willing
to share it and to listen to your spouse's expression
of the pain he or she is feeling. Be patient with your
spouse and with yourself. Recognize that your spouse
is probably not at the same place in the grief process
as you, and that is okay.
Don't expect your spouse to be your only
source of healing. Keep working at communicating. Give
special attention to your affection for each other.
Learn and practice the gestures of love. Remember to
stay in touch physically; the importance of human touching
and hugging is hard to over estimate.
Allow or create space in your relationship.
Everyone is entitled to a degree of privacy with their
feelings, including their grief. Allow yourselves to
enjoy life and each other. Be willing to laugh together,
as well as cry together.
Work at finding some fun things to do
together.
Help each other to remember that life
is more than this child who has died. As important as
this child is to you, and as much as you feel pain over
his or her death, your marriage relationship is
important too.
Howard
TCF Norman,
OK USA
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