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Magazine
Excerpts - Dec ~ Jan 2006 |
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The
Other Stocking |
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We struggled and debated about our Chrismas traditions
after Lindsay died. Should we keep them the same?
Should we add a few? Create some new ones?
One question we particularly struggled with was
the idea of hanging stockings. In the beginning,
we didn't hang any.
Our other children were too young to know anything
of stockings and the treats and goodies they were
supposed to hold, so it was easy to ignore the stocking
question for a few years. |
Everything changed
when Melissa asked why her friends found stockings
on Christmas morning, but she and Katie Rose did
not. I bought a couple of kits, made them each one
and hung them by the chimney. But on the days leading
up to Christmas that year, it was more than I could
manage to see two stockings and none for Lindsay.
So the Christmas of 1993, I made another personalised
stocking. It brought me great comfort to sew on
the beads and sequins, while dreaming of hanging
it in its proper place between the other two.
On Christmas Eve we hung the special ornaments we
had collected for the kids, set the nativity up
in its usual place of honour and hung the three
stockings across the mantle. The house was filled
with the smells of Christmas, lit only by candlelight
and the twinkling lights of the tree. Phil and I
stayed up frantically assembling the bicycles and
doll houses, filling the stockings,
wrapping the last minute gifts, and then fell into
a deep slumber. Early next morning I was awakened
by Melissa's urgent whisper.
"Mom!
Wake-up! I have something to show you."
Assuming she was going to exclaim over the red bike
parked in the living room, I woke Phil to join the
celebration. But when we walked into the living
room my eyes were immediately drawn, not to the
bike, but to the three stockings hanging on the
mantle. "Don't you see, mom!" Melissa's
voice was quivering. "Santa forgot to put anything
in Lindsay's stocking!", and sure enough between
the two stockings which were bulging with prizes
and treats, hung another one, forlorn and achingly
empty. "Do you think Santa sneaked in our rooms
to see who lives here?" she asked. I was weeping
now. The fact that Lindsay's stocking looked so
starkly different from the others was MY fault,
not Santa's. I was the one who bought the treats
to fill them, but I just didn't realise. I suppose
I thought that simply having it there was enough.
I was sitting down lost in thought and grief, blaming
myself for this incredible blunder, when Melissa
very matter of factly dumped the contents of her
stocking in my lap and said, "Here, mom, Lindsay
can have some of mine." And Katie Rose very
quickly dropped an orange and two root beer barrels
in the other stocking "These are for you Lindsay"
she said.
It just so happens that sometimes we think we are
not going to be okay with certain things, only to
discover this is not so.
And we eventually learn that it is okay to try new
and different rituals every year until we know what
feels right for us. We learn to live with our grief
in different ways and we learn what we need to do
in order to find a little comfort and peace.
If this is your first (second or fifth) Christmas
since your child died, you may be struggling with
the stocking question or other holiday issues. There
is no "Grievers Book of Christmas Etiquette",
because this is something we must discover on our
own, in our own time and in our own way. Only you
know what gives you that "feeling good"
feeling. Give yourself permission to do what you
need to do. May your Christmas be gentle and touched
by an angel's love.
Written by Dana Gensler, TCP Kentucky USA
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A
Mother's Christmas Gifts
'I love you, Son; I whisper, 'Merry Christmas
and God bless you.'
Away from me in body, but your spirit still
remains,
In my even' waking moment, the sorrow and the
pain.
Christmas, a time for giving and I'll not succumb
to grief, For if I do. then surely, I'll whither
like a leaf.
With emptiness inside me what can I give to
others?
Store-bought gifts are meaningless.
I'm asking, my dear son, Dylan,
Be with me today.
Help me give the gift of love
To those who've walked my way.
First there is your sister,
I love her very much.
She'll be happy with a kiss and hug
and time we spend together.
My family, so many of them,
I love them very much.
They'll be happy with a laugh and chat
And time we spend together.
My work colleagues, from classrooms,
I love them very much.
They'll be happy with a garden plant,
And time we spend together.
My dear friends, from TCF,
I love them very much.
They'll be happy with a cake and tea
And time we spend together.
Thank-you Dylan for showing me
The way to open my heart
And share the true spirit of Christmas,
I love you very much
Mariette
Mother of Dylan
18.7.74-12.01.97 and Alison TCF Vic. Au.
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Christmas
Again |
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Well, its that time of the year
again and the group is still going strong. We
all know that this time of the year holds no
excitement for us. Out come the masks that we
need to wear so as to not spoil the rest of
the family's day.
I wonder if I am the only one still grieving
in my family; Johnny's name is hardly spoken
by my family any more.
Maybe they think it will upset me if they mention
his name but it upsets me more because they
don't. I need to be able to talk about my child,
otherwise as time goes on will I start to wonder
if he was only in my imagination. Where is he?
I want to know is some one looking after him,
will they love him as much as I do.
There must be a God of some sort out there somewhere
because a multitude of bereaved parents have
questions to ask answers to find.
But whatever the answers may be, not one of
us will be happy again until we stand face to
face in front of our lost children. That will
be the day when we find complete happiness and
joy again.
Written by Ruth TCF, Vic. Au.
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