Jon, whose 18 year old son Matthew, died by suicide, has mixed feelings about Father's Day. "Early after Matthew died, Fathers' Day was too painful a reminder of past happiness to enjoy, but slowly, over the years, I have come to treasure the day as a special time to have my family together all to myself - first my two lovely daughters, Kylie and Rahnee, and my wife, Sue; then the inclusion of Kylie's partner Jade.

This year, the very special addition of our first grandchild, Elly gave me extra joy. Matthew's death brought with it a lot of pain, but it also sharpened my awareness of the importance of my family, and the need to every precious moment with them".

Gunnar, whose 12 year old daughter, Simone, died from a tragic falling accident in Surfer's Paradise eleven years ago, told us "Father's Day holds mixed emotions for me and even the expression "Happy Father's Day" can be painful or bring great joy".

Often, the lead up to the day can be worse than the day itself. It is helpful to plan new rituals and ways to remember your child on these 'special days'. Gunnar said that one ritual observed by himself and his wife (Laraine) was to always buy a card for each other on special days (one that Simone would have chosen). "This card sits on the mantle piece with other cards from my son and daughter and it helps to feel Simone's presence in a small way on these difficult days. The rest of the day is spent with my wife, children and my two wonderful grand-daughters and they always spoil me in many ways".

Dennis, whose 20 year old son, Alex died in a motor accident in December 1995, told us "Our son, Alex was born in early September. My wife tried very hard to have him in the first week, so that his birthday would sometimes fall on Father's Day, but we just missed out on that.

Father's Day was when my extended family gathered, compared notes and kids' growth and celebrated our kinship." Dennis went on to say "After Alex's death that all changed. We no longer see anyone on Father's Day. I keep my head down, and we might have a drink and dream about how things might have been. We just have a quiet day, with whoever of our children happen to be home. But, of course, Alex is even more in my thoughts than normal."